Love today?

If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out.
- Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Love Aaj Kal isn’t an accurate representation of love in today’s age.  It’s still just a hindi movie.  If it was real life, Jai (Saif Ali Khan) would have found another girl and said to himself – “eff Meera (Deepika).  That was the past.  I left her, it couldn’t have been that great anyways.  Life goes on.”  You really think, that he would fly out to India to see a girl who he thinks is married?  He wouldn’t even have attended her wedding in the first place in order to realize she was married.  Would any guy swallow his pride like that?  Would any guy even remember that what he had with that particular girl was special?  Would any guy even realize what special is?  He wouldn’t.. because he would have forgotten.  Even barring the fact that he remembered a few good memories and feelings, he would have said that it was just memories… nothing to build a future on, nothing to make someone stay with somebody.  I used to think Love Aaj Kal was an accurate representation of love today because he chooses career over love, he thinks with his head instead of his heart.  What Deepika in the movie did… letting him go to his dream job, not telling him that she left her husband…that was awesome.  It’s true, if she had told him, he would have come to her, but then his whole life he would have regretted it.  Regretted not going after what he wanted in life.  I agree with the movie on the part that in the end, once his dream was realized, he wouldn’t have found it as great as he once thought.  He would have become depressed and pondered the meaning of life and all that… but I don’t think he would have gone back to Meera.  She was the girl of his dreams, the true love of his life, but he just wouldn’t have.  True love doesn’t prevail, humans are too fickle for that to happen.

I’m not the girl with the nice cheekbones and smile that is calm and sweet and serene and beautiful.  The kind of girl that you can just snap a candid shot of from a beach day together and be proud to put it up in your bedroom in black and white in a silver frame.  I’m not the girl with a bunch of friends that goes out and has a ton of fun and parties like no tomorrow.  The kind of girl that is the center of attention, the life of the party, the girl that gives spontaneous lap dances to her boyfriend while all the other guys think “damn he’s a lucky guy”.  I’m not the girl that has a good head on her shoulders and strives for what she wants in life (horrible, right?).  I’m not the girl who cares about big moments, big moments where you can snap a picture and say “I/we did that” and then only live by those memories. 

I’m not that girl. 

There are lots of girls out there.  I’m not like them.  I’m sorry.

Men and Women

hahahahhaha love that one it’s hilariousss

Men and Women are equal.  You want to know why?  We’re equal because we’re both dumb.  We’re made for each other (um, no offence to Gay’s or Lesbians – love you! - I’m just being general here.. male characteristics and female characteristics shall I say!) and yet we are so incompatible it’s not even funny.

Men are stupid.  Women are crazy.  It’s totally true.  Men run away from problems, they don’t think about all the things that women do, they live life in the moment.  Women can’t live life in the moment because they’re too insecure and too busy worrying about everything and want to keep confronting problems even though doing so won’t make anything any better.  Men are actually little babies that can’t handle the truth, and women are programmed to tell everyone how they feel every second of the day.

You know what, I think that people are silly.  I think that out of a life span of 80 years or more, a couple bad years aren’t so bad if you’re going to have 60+ together and happy.  I would rather be mad at my partner in life for weeks on end than not have a partner in life.  I don’t get divorce or breaking up with someone.  It doesn’t make any sense to me because, the person that you’re breaking up with or divorcing like… you loved that person.  (I’m not talking about when ppl divorce because of like… domestic abuse n things like that I just mean regular “irreconcilable differences”)  I don’t think love goes away.  To me it’s like… whatever problems you’re going to have with one person, you’re going to have that with another anyway in some shape or form, so why not stick it out with the one that you’ve been with for so long and you know and .. love?  Everyone goes through problems.. everyone has ups and downs.  It’s natural to feel confused or to hate someone and to be weak.  The point is to stick things through.  The point is to KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THE PERSON.  N that’s ALL.  As long as you love someone… you can get through anything.  Even financial problems!  The world is a big place.. just dump the shame, the ego, relax and breathe.  Life goes on.  Life is important.  DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  Trust each other.  Trust yourself, trust your BASIC instincts.

Yes people change, but so what.  The world keeps spinning and at the end of it all, you just have to remember what it was about that person that you loved and hold that and run with it till the finish line.  The prize is worth it.  Fall in love everyday (with the same person).  Stop yelling at each other.  Stop being disappointed.  Stop being insecure.  Stop being paranoid.  For me, everyday is a gift with the people around me.. even if it’s a bad day and I’ve fought and I hate them… at least I have them to yell at and to hate.  I’m just so glad for everyone I have in my life.  I’m so glad for the life that I have.  Just relax, and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, at the end of the day, it’s all in God’s hands so there’s nothing for me to worry about.  Whatever will happen will happen… but where there’s a will there’s a way.  Goodnite everyone.  I’m totally sleeping pill deprived so forgive me for the rambling nonsensical post.

My bird

I feel so bad for my bird Baby.  He has a problem.. he bites and picks at himself.  I’m the worlds worst mother.  I did this to him.  I feel like I’m murdering an animal.. torturing.  I hope God forgives me although I don’t think He will.  I’m so sorry.  He cries at night because it hurts.  (U)

Birthday Girl

It’s my birthday today!  December 11th 2009.  I’m a Sagitarrius, and a Dragon :) The two best signs I assure you ;)

My mother and I (above) and just me (below)

 

Here’s something I read which I thought was quite true to what I am currently feeling:

2009 will be a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it's a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It's a good year to study and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and "chance" meetings are probable. Advice - take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don't strain yourself or actively try to expand.

I don’t feel like this year should be some huge year for me where I go out and achieve a whole bunch of stuff.  This is the year where I want to just relax, take stock of my life as it said above, see what made me the person I am today and like regroup for the next few years.  I want to fix all the things that I should fix.. my diet, my sleeping habits, my room, my skincare regimen and just become the best me that I can.  Ok who am I kidding it’s totally not going to happen.  What a load of nonsense.  LOL haha just rereading that makes me cringe/laugh.  Well the relaxing and thinking part will happen but the fixing part… *-) maybe lol.  So many people have been telling me lately that I have a whole bunch of bad habits that aren’t affecting me right now but will when I’m older that I’m actually getting worried.  The amount of people.. it’s odd.  I didn’t think I was that unhealthy.  No honestly though, I’m at one of the lowest points in my life right now, financially, personally, academically… I’m very, very grateful for a LOT of things in life and the parts that are a low point for me (mostly everything) isn’t anything that can’t be fixed so.. yeah just got to get down to work and it can only go up from here right?  (Touchwood). 

My Wonderful Program At School

In short: An emergency happened which the institution where I am currently taking classes would recognize and accept, yet a class at that very same school is not giving me an option to make up the work that I missed, and on TOP of that they’re going to charge me twice for this class.  Oh, and the icing on the cake if I don’t withdraw from that class (meaning pay for this semester and pay again when I retake it next semester), they won’t let me take any more classes at the institution where I am currently studying. 

Does that make any sense?  According to my friend, unfortunately the world only cares about money.  True that.

My Grandmother

I really love her so much, and I respect and admire her.  She has quiet strength, and she is undoubtedly the purest, kindest, most good hearted person I know.  She’s simple, she’s pure, she’s patient, loving, caring, and so wise.  Oh and she’s SO CUTE!

As a child and just as a person in general, I’ve always liked and enjoyed hanging out with males (my cousin bro’s in law or my male cousins, nephews, friends), although it’s always my female crew that I have deep conversations with.  It was the same with my Grandfather… he had such a huge personality.. huge (!!) and for me growing up he always overshadowed my love for my grandma (I call her Manji, she is my mother’s mom) and I always enjoyed his attention more.  It’s one of those situations where kids jump for joy when their Dad comes home or enjoys their days out with their fathers because… their mom is always there.  That’s how it was with my Grandmother.. I know she’s always there and so for me growing up she was kind of the second one in their relationship.. she was the one I would go to if I got hurt or sick, but it was my Grandfather that I would sit beside to listen to his stories and hear his voice.

When my Grandfather passed away (wait – side note – my dad’s parents: I never met my grandfather and my grandmother passed away when I was five years old and I loved her v. much as well), I regretted not calling him enough, not spending time with him enough, and till this day I’m not over his death and wish that I could have properly said goodbye to him.  Now that he’s gone, my Grandmother is the only grandparent I have left in this world.  I’ve gotten to know HER more, and paid more attention to her.  I’m not saying I ignored her before or that I didn’t love her before…nothing like that at all… I just loved her like any kid loves her mom.. in the taken for granted kind of way.

I’ve never sent her flowers (but I will change that this coming year!!!!!), I only recently bought her the first present I’ve ever bought her (a shawl!) (to be fair I was a kid most of the time and since 2000 I’ve only seen her…this year – 2009 because I went to Singapore twice this year!).

She was born in India but moved to Singapore (which was known as Malaysia at the time – it was before it’s independence) when she was around 2-3 years old.  She married my Grandfather and had 6 kids; two boys and four girls (one of my aunts is missing in the picture below).  She now has 11 grandchildren and I am her fourth oldest grandchild.

Bapuji (my grandfather) was a pretty strict, tough guy when he was younger although by the time I rolled along he was chilled out and jolly for the most part but I could still see and hear the fierceness.  He had that quality about him.  Manji was a sharp contrast.  I heard she could be fairly strict herself, but to me she was always the water to his fire..essential, yet not loud and crackling.  Manji taught her children (well my mom – the oldest child for sure) how to speak English (they spoke Punjabi when they were little and did go to English speaking schools when they were older).  The best part is?  My grandma didn’t even know English!!!  My mom used to think that my grandma knew English but didn’t realize that my grandma would get her English speaking neighbour to teach her the words in the English book and my grandma would memorize it and teach it to them.  In the end that is how my Grandmother learnt an entire language, through memorization and being able to pick it up fast.  That’s pretty cool.

Manji I don’t think has ever used makeup, maybe on her wedding day but there are no photos of the event, she’s never used a hair product before (her black hair at age 70 something is all natural!) and so I always feel super weird when I’m all glossed out and flat ironed in front of her especially because for most of my life that she saw I was makeup less with a curly mop of hair, or with it in a braid.  She prefers to keep things simple and that’s why she is so inspiring to me.  She loves God, she loves her family, she doesn’t gossip or trouble anyone… she’s just amazing. 

When I went back to Singapore she told me that I have to wake up early and make my bed and not talk back to my parents lol :) I wish she stayed here in Canada and then I could get told what to do from her all the time!  As it is I’m totally jealous of my newest cousin because he gets to live with her!  So not fair, I want Manji to sing me songs (He’s 6months old)!.

Alright that’s all for now… if you take anything away from this.. talk to your loved ones, get to know your elders, and spend time with them!  My only grandparent lives across the world from me and I don’t get to see her very often.  Listen to them, listen to their stories, write them down if you get a chance!  There’s a reason why they tell you what they do, they’ve been through a lot and you should appreciate what you have.

Technorati Tags: grandparents,grandmother,elders,respect,love

One Moment

One moment can change your life forever.  Life is so important, so fragile, so beautiful.  We never live each day to the fullest.. we never properly love the ones that mean the most to us.  Pointless fighting, bickering, not understanding each other.  It sucks that we can never fully understand our loved ones and their desires and hopes but we can try.  As for me…no one will ever understand how I feel right now. 

All I care about right now is my family, my parents, and making things easy for them.  My life right now has to be focused on that.  Nothing else… as much as I may want to travel or have fun or whatever, now is not the time for that.  Maybe when I’m older but right now I just have to focus on school, my family, and being the person they want me to be because I know why they want me to be that person.  Hopefully I have the strength to actually do it.

I just can’t believe everything that has happened.  I feel like such a different person.  I feel like other people are different too.  I’ve been affected by death before but nothing like this.  Hopes, dreams, love, family, innocence…

I look at old photos of my family and I just think wow.  Who knew what life had and has in store for all of us.  The smiles on my sisters’ faces, the innocence we all had breaks my heart.  It’s one reason why I am so attached to my old house.. it’s the house where we all grew up into adults…  My family would never have thought that we would live in Canada, I just never thought our lives would turn out like this, whatever this is.. but I know God has everything written and we may not understand it now but like I’ve said before.. when things don’t go according to our plan, that means that it is going according to God’s plan, and he always knows what to do and we just have to trust that and have faith.

Photoshop!

I don’t know who this girl is but I was having a conversation with my friend Terence and I randomly stumbled across this picture (while searching for Marilyn Monroe wallpapers… SIDE NOTE why is that for EVERY Google image search that you do at least ONE picture of the Jonas Brothers pops up?? Even if you search for “Penguin Wallpapers”.  So irritating!).  I thought she was really pretty and sent her picture to my friend.. he said meh and I just thought she’d be a good model to try my hand at some virtual plastic surgery using Photoshop CS4 (I have a trial version you can download it from Adobe’s website.. anyone have a crack for this send it to me!).  Yes I know how to use photoshop (somewhat) and no I do not use it on my own pictures.. unless I’m making my pictures glowy or brighter.. or making me fly over Sleeping Beauty’s castle :)  I totally would use the whole “plastic surgery thing” on my own pictures except for the fact that I look better as I am ;) lol it’s hard to improve perfection you know!

 

 

Technorati Tags: photoshop,adobe,cs4

Don’t mind her eyes so much cuz I did this really quickly but yea.. Neway I think she looks cute before n a little plasticky after but I was just like cool I gave her plastic surgery lol so I thought I’d share it with you guys.  What do you think hot before or after?

Doesn’t this make you sick?  It makes me feel all weird inside like.. what is the world coming to because.. yea I’m showing you guys this but.. in the real world if this girl wanted to be like an actress or something.. guaranteed within a few years she would end up looking like the bottom picture!